“Not in this lifetime, Mom, I won’t be your campaign strategist,”
said NonFisherSon firmly.
“If it’s about the fundraising, I already gave all that back,”
Fishergarten started.
“First, there is no actual office involved in what you’re
planning,” he said. “And second, you are making a mockery of the American election
system.”
Fishergarten let that one slide. Besides, she had expected this response. The strategic parallels between a political campaign and a Colorado
fishing trip may not be readily apparent, especially to a nonfisherperson.
“OK,” she explained, patiently. “Consider this. How does a
politician hook votes in a particular place? Right! The candidate tests the
waters, checks the terrain and occupants, gauges what locals like or need, then
casts the proper bait or lure to reel in the votes. We only need to apply the
elements of a successful campaign to fishing. What’s not to like?”
NonFisherSon stared a minute. “No,” he said.
Fishergarten understood. Her idea might be a bit murky. But
the parallels were clear. “Fishing for Dummies” was right. Fishing was going to
take more than throwing a wormed-up
line in the water. It would entail careful
strategizing to calculate which fish resided where, what each one liked and how
to present those variables to that fish so it would bite already. She would, in
effect, straw poll the fish and learn which ones liked which lures.
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Poll results from untested (by Fishergarten) data |
To start, Fishergarten chose Chatfield Reservoir in
Littleton, mainly because it was close by on a Thursday afternoon. But this
reservoir – one that she had always dismissed as a flood-control measure – claims
some seriously big fish. According to “2016 Colorado Fishing” book from Colorado Parks and Wildlife, “1. Min. size for largemouth and
smallmouth bass is 15 inches long. 2. Bag and min. size for walleye is 3, 18
inches long. 3. Only 1 walleye longer than 21 inches may be taken per day.”
When Fishergarten crunched that data, it indicated that
Chatfield holds large bass and walleye, which sounded far cooler than
Fishergarten’s customary “I can’t tell the fish from the lure” size. But what
might entice these independent and undecided fish?
Fishergarten chose a two-inch feathered popper, mainly
because it was in FisherSpouse’s tackle box and looked fun.
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The elusive popper plug pick |
“Wait, that’s one of my fav-- … ok … never mind … I guess,”
said FisherSpouse.
“Don’t worry,” Fishergarten assured him. “I got this.”
According to “Fishing for Dummies,” Fishergarten’s popper
plug pick would float on the water’s surface, while Fishergarten used a
jerk-pause-jerk motion to replicate the slow death throes of a real bait fish
and generate enough noise to replicate a full-throated convention heckle.
“It’s pretty advanced,” FisherSpouse said doubtfully. “Cast
it … ok, now … point at it, then pull … no, to the side … no, point … not like
that … to the side.”
To be considerate and respectful of FisherSpouse’s fishing space,
Fishergarten moved down the bank a bit, and found a secluded spot.
“Watch that tree,” FisherSpouse hollered.
![]() |
Three views of the treacherous terminal tackle graveyard |
Fishergarten turned away, drew back and cast. Instantly, the
lure caught the wind, flying up to the left and over a branch. There it stopped
and dangled, twisting in a breeze. She reeled it in a little, successfully lodging
the lure in the wood.
Fishergarten considered her options. Signs of fisherwreck
lingered in those branches, a mass of tangled monofilament here, a solitary
lead weight there, and a cold March wind rattling the branches. Clearly, she
had stumbled upon a terminal tackle graveyard.
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, FisherSpouse appeared. He
took the rod, reeled tightly, then drew it up the line and let it ping back
against the rod. The lure dropped. FisherSpouse cut the line and grabbed the
floating lure from where it fell into the water.
![]() |
Fishergarten's lure-retrieval options |
“I saw that on the Fishful Thinker show,” he
said curtly.
Quietly, FisherSpouse hand-carried his lure back to the
tackle box and tucked it carefully into its nest.
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