Blue At the Mesa

"Dear Ms. Fishergarten,

Thank you for your offer to design and teach a for-credit program in Colorado freshwater fishing basics, “The Beach Toys: Wouldn’t It Be Nice (to Catch a Fish),” at our esteemed public university.

The answer, of course, is no. To put it plainly:

• Our tenured professors hold doctoral degrees. As of this time, we have been unable to determine your credentials related to your Dr. Fishergarten title, nor find even a credible graduate program in freshwater or other sport fishing anywhere on Earth.
• You lack expertise. By your own calculations – we are still untangling that equation – you have caught exactly zero fish, regardless of location, time or terminal tackle.
• Your course plan stymies us, and we cannot fathom what our students might learn from such weekly studies as ‘Pow-Pow-Pow, Pow-Pow-er Bait,’ ‘Good, Good, Good Line Vibrations’ or ‘Fishin’ USA.’ Further, ‘Fishing for Dummies’ is not an accepted text. However, we do appreciate your efforts with PowerPoint and have turned your proposal over to our psychology department for further study. 

Again, our answer is no, and it is not negotiable. If, however, you care to pursue an authentic degree for yourself in one of our accredited programs, please do not hesitate to contact our admissions department. 

Respectfully,

University of (Attorney’s Note: Do NOT mention this university’s name in that blog) Anonymous"

“Well,” Fishergarten sighed, as she closed the email on her phone and looked out over the peaceful water-surface feet of Blue Mesa Reservoir. “Looks like my school idea just snagged. I guess I’ll need to find another way to teach people to fish.”

Blue Mesa Reservoir-Bay of Chickens

FisherSpouse looked up from the PowerBait he was positioning on a hook. So far that morning, he’d caught and released three trout, while Fishergarten read her text messages and watched her bobber – no wait, her “float” – for movement.

“Teach?” He looked alarmed. “You wanted to TEACH someone to fish?”

“Of course,” Fishergarten said, loftily. She could have sworn she’d run all this by FisherSpouse early on. “I’ve had requests.”

“You have?” He stood up. “Who from?”

“FisherDaughter and FisherDaughter-in-Law (FisherDIL).”

“They did?” he asked.

“We did?” FisherDaughter and FisherDIL asked, exchanging a guarded glance. They stood slightly downshore, where they’d moved to “respect your fishing space, Mom,” and no doubt, to absorb the morning’s coaching tips from Fishergarten.

“Yes,” Fishergarten said. “You asked me exactly what it was I knew about fishing.”

FisherSpouse snickered. FisherDIL coughed politely. FisherDaughter rolled her eyes, and Fishergarten grew a little misty-eyed, recalling FisherDaughter’s teenage years.

But from the looks of it, school was out for the day. No more learning was going to happen on that shoreline.

Fishergarten checked her float, about 40 feet out, for some or any momentum. Fishergarten had used what “Fishing for Dummies” called a “fixed float rig” but – daringly – without a weight and with a sole PowerBait minnow. So far, it had not moved. With one exception.

“Are you going to move that?” FisherSpouse asked. “Your line keeps drifting over mine.”

“Hold it,” Fishergarten answered. “When yours drifted over mine, you said that was just how it worked.”

She reeled in the bait and moved a bit downshore, finding a spot with fewer contradictions.

Mostly, though, she was going to try out her new floater/diver

The Floater/Diver Lure

lure, the one that supposedly only dove one to three inches. Fishergarten’s limited experience showed that diving lures actually dived to exactly the depth of the nearest rock.

Recalling  “Fishing for Dummies,” she knew that “By experimenting with a few different retrieval speeds, you can see (and eventually feel) the depth at which your plug runs.” Fishergarten was ready.

She cast and quickly reeled in an empty lure, checking periodically to see if it really did float. As it came into view, she marveled at how it resembled a fish swimming. Or might. Fishergarten’s only closeup of a live fish is in the tank at a Cabela’s store.

She cast again and reeled more slowly this time. Still nothing.
She paused, reminded of the wisdom of the FisherSages. “Don’t reel it so fast. You want the fish to catch it,” she heard them say.

“What’s up, Mamma Fishergarten?” asked FisherDIL kindly.

“Well,” Fishergarten said, “I’m calculating the velocity of a hungry fish so I know how fast to reel in my lure. There are so many variables to determining momentum.”

FisherDIL twisted her wedding ring and glanced around with the same look FisherSpouse gets when he wants to move downshore, fast. A trout jumped tauntingly near her line and disappeared. “Let me know what you find,” she said encouragingly and, after a quick hug, she ran for her rod.

What about you, FisherFriends? What’s your favorite lure and how do you get momentum? And don’t forget to check out the “Field and Stream” list of 30 new classic lures. Happy Fishing!